Rahul Malhotra - On Courage

Rahul Malhotra - On Courage

Good morning I'm Rahul Malhotra, my pronouns are he/him. My mother Mahamaya and I first came to Beacon last July.

I am a psychiatrist and used to serve on the assembly of the American Psychiatric Association, the biggest American organization representing psychiatrists. At assembly sessions, there is intense person-to-person discussion while debates at the microphone happened formally. When the pandemic happened, we switched to Zoom, but private chat between participants was turned off, so we could not talk to each other. This was undemocratic. So, in front of a few hundred psychiatrists, I appealed this formally. I was told there was no further appeal. Then I stated that I would abstain from voting and debating until this rule was changed and encouraged others to do the same. Sure, they snickered, go ahead. Then, curiously, during each vote for the rest of the day, at least 10% of the assembly abstained from every vote! The next morning, they announced that they changed the rule. Wow! Surprise! But then the work had to go on, as it always does. If there was joy, I don't remember it.

But this is one of my happy memories, because I was courageous. I spoke loudly and permanently in the face of resistance and threat. And in my own courage, I have contentment. In my life, big justice has been rare. However, I can always be courageous.

When leadership and structures are just, we do not have to fight for justice. When I advocate for myself or others to leaders, I see expressions that are blank or angry and hear words that are non-committal or hostile. To these leaders, I am no hero. To these leaders, I am a troublemaker. I do not like being a troublemaker, even if it is good trouble. Reverend Robin makes the excellent point that one can take pride in one's deprivation, but this does not achieve justice. I am open to joy. But at the end of this troublemaking, my gains are never complete, and the leadership sees me as trouble. That's not joyous.

Every patient I treat as a psychiatrist wants to be happy. Generally, the happiness they want is joy (YAY). In my experience, big joy is rare and fleeting. I estimate that if we tie a lifetime's worth of joy end to end, it probably lasts no more than a week or so. I agree with Reverend Robin that pushing joy away does not achieve justice. I also agree with her that joy's sibling delight cannot be bought or achieved with ease. I learned from my psychiatrist mother Mahamaya that rather than aiming for joyful happiness, (YAY) a rare but happy occurrence, it is better to seek content happiness (satisfied sigh).

So, I believe, whether or not I can achieve justice, I strive to behave courageously, and in that, I find contentment. Thank you.